


just whispers

by orphan_account



Series: Prompts [6]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Camping, Coming Out, Hurt and comfort, Illusions to Pennywise, Internalized Homophobia (slight), M/M, Nightmares, ambiguous timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17426213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Eddie always believed it was because if Eddie had turned away from him in disgust, that Richie would’ve been able to square his shoulders and carry on in a way he wouldn’t if it were Bill or Bev that turned away from him. Whether the beliefs rang true or not, they had built up Eddie’s courage to whisper back in junior year. "I know that I don’t like both. I just like boys. I’m gay."[Prompt: Eddie and Richie sleeping in a tent with the Losers. They’re in a tent with Bev and Stan. Eddie can’t sleep and wants to get in with Richie.]





	just whispers

Eddie pulled on the sleeves of the sweater he’d stolen from Mike before the Losers had all sat down to set up the fire. He had some fruit mixed-vodka drink in a glass bottle that Ben had _sworn_ he would like pressed between his knees, unsipped and rapidly warming. This camping trip had been months in the working, everybody agreeing that it was of the upmost importance that they knock off their last summer as residents of Derry with a bang. They'd started getting everything together back in June, knowing it would likely take Eddie at least two months to get his mother to consent to the trip.

There was no way in hell that Eddie would have let himself have missed it. No matter how many fights it had spiked with Sonia, he’d known without anybody saying a single word that this would be the last time the Losers Club would all be together for months. Richie would be leaving for LA just two days after the trip was over, and everybody else would leave in rapid success after that. There was a thick, bitter tension in the air around them that seemed to promise that this would be the last time they’d all be together like this. Ever.

Richie Tozier was sitting on the ground, leaning backwards against Bev’s legs while talking animatedly with his hands. “I swear to _God,_ William, if you don’t tell me a good ass scary story right the fuck now,” he was saying as Eddie tuned back into the conversation. “I will end my shit right here. Don’t fucking test me, bitch.”

Bill rolled his eyes, though his cheeks were glowing under the attention even in the dim light from the fire. Eddie had always thought of himself as Bill’s best friend- and this was a belief that been confirmed verbally to him on many occasions over the years- but there had always been some sort of deep bond between Bill Denbrough and Richie Tozier that Eddie was a little bit envious of. A connection that Eddie had always wanted to be part of, but had never been able to truly touch. The last two years or so, however, had brought Eddie and Richie closer together than Eddie had ever imagined they could be. The two boys had always had an interesting relationship, one of teasing’s and flirtations, and Eddie pretending to find Richie much more annoying than he actually did. They’d been friends, good friends, with a friendship that was always easy. Low maintaince, without expectations or regulations. Easy breezy friends who enjoyed one another’s company, but always traced their friendships back to only being friends in the first place because they ran in the same circle. That was until sophomore year, when simply being the last two awake at sleepovers had brought out a certain confidence in Richie that lead to whispers of fears he didn’t believe he could tell anybody but a half-asleep Eddie Kaspbrak.

Whispers of _I think I might like both,_ and _do you think that’s allowed?_ and _Eds, am I a freak_?  Eddie always believed it was because if Eddie had turned away from him in disgust, that Richie would’ve been able to square his shoulders and carry on in a way he wouldn’t if it were Bill or Bev that turned away from him. Whether the beliefs rang true or not, they had built up Eddie’s courage to whisper back in junior year.

_I know that I don’t like both. I just like boys. I’m gay._ Those whispers were what changed, brought Eddie and Richie onto more common ground. Onto a level of understanding, bringing out their own connection that they didn’t know that they could have. Senior year had only strengthened their relationship, brought them closer, and suddenly Eddie felt he spend nearly all of his free time with Richie Tozier. Talking about everything, while somehow constantly avoiding talking about that one real truth that hung above their heads. While they hadn’t vocalized these thoughts and feelings as louder than whispers to each other, Eddie saw the way Bev looked at them or the way Mike smiled while Richie teased him, and he wondered if maybe they know anyway. 

It wasn’t to say that Eddie and Richie were together, not in a world like this… in a town like theirs. Not with Richie packing up and moving across the country for school while Eddie had to stay behind in Maine. So, no, Eddie and Richie were not together. They had barely even grazed hands outside of a platonic environment in longer than Eddie could remember. Even the childhood cheek kisses and pinches and flirting had stopped. Outside of “Eds” and the very occasional “Eddie Spaghetti”, Richie had even cut off most nicknames within the last few months. While Eddie did silently mourn them, he knew what the actions meant; putting that strong platonic edge on their friendship was Richie’s way of letting Eddie know the truth. Letting Eddie know that he felt the something more between them, too. There was a chance he and Richie could _never_ be together, but Eddie could have that little soft bubble in his chest knowing they both felt it.

Eddie interrupted the story that Bill was telling about some sort of murderous clown, with a deep sigh. All eyes around the fire turned to look at him, Richie in particular jerking to attention. A soft expression came across Richie’s face, one meant for nights when only the two of them were left awake or when Richie sneaked into his bedroom window with red-tinged eyes. Not for sitting in front of a fire where all their friends could see him.

Richie seemed to realize the same thing as Eddie, quickly turning his worried frown into a Cheshire grin. “You tired over there, Eds? Sorry if we kept you up last night. Your mom was even louder than usual, she was just beside herself with how much she was gonna miss me this weekend.”

Eddie mocked vomiting. “Beep fucking beep, Trashmouth.”

Richie’s grin dimmed into something a little more genuine. One particular conversation at the beginning of senior year- one that may have involved a little too much alcohol- had revealed just how much Richie craved the childhood nickname. The use of the name _Trashmouth,_ very similar to that of Bills stutter and Beverly’s love for black lipstick, had been grown out of around their first year of high school and nobody had never really given any thought to Richie possibly _missing_ what was actually a somewhat mean name. A drunk Richie resting in Eddie’s lap after their friends had finally drifted off to sleep had told Eddie that exactly that, however.

_It was a nickname, you know? I give everybody nicknames, y’know, cuz I love you guys. And Trashmouth was mine, cuz like.. Richie isn’t a real nickname. Trashmouth was my real nickname. But nobody uses it anymore._ After that, Eddie had tried to find a way to wiggle the nickname in as much as possible, without getting weird and suspicious about it. It was worth it to see how Richie brightened every time he heard it.

“Sorry, Billy, I’m sure your demon clown story is great,” Eddie said, faking a yawn behind his hand. “But I’m fading fast over here. I think I’m going to head in. God knows I’ll be waking up with the sun.”

“Goodnight, Eddie,” Bill called cheerfully after him. Wrapping his arms tightly around himself, Eddie unzipped and ducked into the tent he was going to be sharing with Bev and Stan this weekend. He smiled slightly to himself, remembering the stink Stan had put up when they told him he’d be sharing with Richie, while everybody had known that neither boy would have wanted it any other way.

Hoping he was being subtle, Eddie rearranged the sleeping bags so that his was next to Richie’s and crawled in. Wrapping the terribly textured, loosely named “blanket” around him, Eddie forced his eyes shut and prayed that the sad, sickly feeling in his stomach was going to go away.   

_They were walking down a dark hallway, the dim sounds of Bill and Bev talking from a distance that could be a different world. Richie was by Eddie’s side, surprisingly quiet, with their arms brushing as they walked. Something about the hallway seemed dimly familiar as though he’d been here before, but Eddie felt so hauntingly lost that it must have been another life._

_“How’s this, Eds?” Richie said, voice basically a whisper in the echoing halls. Richie was close, yet his voice was so far away. Eddie could feel Richie touching him, but his voice still rang out through the hallway as though Richie couldn’t be anywhere near him. “Last time we let Big Bill choose our living arrangements.”_

_“We’re living here?” Eddie asked, looking around at the rotting walls and all the empty rooms they were walking past. Richie raised one brow at Eddie and chuckled, laugh bouncing off the walls and coming back- sounding almost terrifying and clown like._

_“Yeah, Eds, pay attention much?”_

_Eddie frowned, looking around. He and Richie walked into the room sitting at the end of the hallway.  On the floor was a singular, dirty mattress. It looked as though it were coated in black goo, goo that had dripped down onto the floor. Eddie crinkled his nose in digust, shuddering as he followed Richie into the room. Richie tossed down a backpack that Eddie could have sworn he wasn’t carried moments before, onto the ground and turned to Eddie with a grin._

_“This is our room,” Richie announced excitedly. Eddie looked around and started shaking his head._

_“This house is so big,” Eddie said slowly. “Why are we sharing a room, exactly?”_

_Richie’s face dropped in disappointment, glancing down at the bed and his bag of belongings. “I… Eds…” He looked worried for a moment, but something at corner of the room caught Eddie’s attention. Heart jumping, he watched as some sort of creature that Eddie could describe as a clown, though the dripping black goo from his mouth and the wolf-like claws on it’s hands promised that it wasn’t any kind of human creature._

_“What’s amatter, Eds?” The creature cooed in a high, attractive voice that made Eddie’s skin crawl. “Why don’t you tell Richie why you won’t share a bed with him? Tell him the truth, Eds. Eddie Spaghetti. Tell him.”_

_Eddie swallowed roughly, body trembling. Richie’s mouth was moving in front of his face, but the words were coming towards him as though he was deep under water while the creature’s words made it to Eddie’s ears while he wanted nothing to do with them._

_“If you don’t want to tell him, maybe I should.” One of the wolf clawed hands came forward, wrapping around Richie’s throat. Eddie’s best friend didn’t seem to take notice of the hand around him, still calling out for Eddie’s attention. Eddie couldn’t respond to Richie, couldn’t bring himself to speak at all. Fear was deep inside Eddie’s blood stream, cooling it until it may very well have been frozen._

_“If you won’t’ tell him, I’ll take care of ya,” the creature whispered to him, face pressing against Richie’s own. “I’ll blow you a dime… I’ll blow ya for free. We just need to get your little Trashmouth out of the way, if you don’t want him.”_

_Eddie opened his mouth, but could only bring out a small, choked noise. The creature’s face broke into a deep smirk, his claws beginning to dig into Richie’s throat. Blood started to drip from the edges of Richie’s throat, down, down towards his shirt. Eddie swallowed roughly, eyes watching the blood and unable to focus on anything else._

_“Do you want him, Eds?” The creature hissed. “Can you tell him? Tell him, Eds, or you’ll loose him.”_

_Eddie let out a deep whine, and creatures hand jerked away. It brought out a deep flow of crimson that sent Richie dropping to the ground without a sound. Eddie cried out, the creature fading away with a chilling laugh. Eddie crawled across the floor, clasping his hands over Richie’s neck. There was a thick flow of blood coming from somewhere, but Eddie couldn’t find any source of bleeding._

_“Eds….” Richie choked out, voice sounding more like gurgle than any words. “Eddie… I love you, Eddie. I_ love _you.”_

_Eddie sobbed, pressing down on Richie’s throat as though he could put pressure on a non-existent wound as save Richie’s life. “It’s okay,” he whispered wetly. “You’re going be okay.”_

_“Eddie… Eddie…. Eddie!”_

Eddie jerked awake with a loud gasp, breath laboured as he was about to launch into a asthma attack. Richie’s face was before his, worried and vulnerable but free of any blood.  Eddie exhaled hard, pressing a hand over his mouth as tears came into his eyes. “Richie…”

“Are you okay?” Richie whispered, reaching out and rubbing Eddie’s arm. “You were making all kind of noises, and not the sexy kind. Bad dream?”

“I…” Eddie breathed out. “Demon clown… I think.”

“Bill and his fucking stories,” Richie snickered. “I woke you because you seemed about five seconds away from screaming and waking up everybody in this stupid site. You _know_ how Stanley gets if somebody wakes him up, I was saving your life.”

_I was saving your life…_ Eddie’s heart clenched and he reached out for Richie. “Can I…” He hesitated, looking at Richie and his stupidly open expression. It was so like the Richie in his dream, the Richie who didn’t have a problem with them sharing a room. A Richie who loved him. “Can I get in with you? I don’t…”

Richie smiled and unzipped the side of his sleeping bag, Eddie nearly jumping out of his and into Richie’s. It was almost amazing how easily their bodies came together, Eddie’s leg slid between Richie’s and Richie’s arms came around Eddie’s mid-section. Eddie pressed his face against Richie’s neck, trying to force away the images of blood, and breathed in Richie’s scent.

“It killed you,” Eddie said softly, letting his arms reach up and squeeze at Richie’s shoulder blades. “You were bleeding, dying, and I couldn’t even tell you that I love you.”

Richie went stiff around Eddie for a second, and Eddie’s gut tensed with the realization of what his fearful and half-awake state had caused him to confess. Richie melted into Eddie’s touch after just a moment though, holding him tighter and pressing a lingering kiss to the top of his head.

“Get some sleep, Eds,” Richie said. “Tomorrow… tomorrow will come and maybe, maybe you’ll be able to say things you want to say. Things that we probably shouldn’t be saying tonight, with no sleep.”

“Are there things you want to say, Richie?” Eddie asked him lightly, his thumb rubbing at Richie’s shoulder blades. He could feel Richie’s breathing and it was slowly, but surely, drawing Eddie back into sleep.

“I would ask you to come to California with me,” Richie said in a hushed whisper. “Say that you shouldn’t stay with your mother, and you should come with me even if you’re not going to school. That I don’t want to leave you here with her. But I… I shouldn’t say that stuff.”

“Well,” Eddie said sleepily. “If you ever did say that stuff… I’d say yes.” Eddie feel asleep before he could hear if Richie responded.


End file.
